GRIEF, GRAVITY AND VERTIGO
Notes for an animated short film
My mum was always already floating away
As a child I clung to her legs
Ballast
In the end she was tethered to an oxygen tank
Bird bones
Lighter than air
She flew away
My sister saw a robin.
Covid happened
Grief became the norm
I could not watch the news in case they mentioned loneliness, the elderly, care homes, relatives who couldn’t touch the bodies they had loved, while living or when dead
I still cry whenever they talk about that
A close friend lost three members of her family to Covid, including her father.
We walk a little of the road together
It’s nice to have companions
I am always thinking about gravity
Invisible forces that pull at us
That , for a while, hold us to the planet
Inertia and centrifugal force are kin
All these invisible weights and flows
My best friend says the definition of family is that which binds, with ties either acknowledged or unacknowledged
On the anniversary of my mum’s death I had an attack of vertigo
Half past midnight it happened while lying in bed
Stone cold sober
The room span
I called an ambulance from the floor, trying to reach the window, convinced I was poisoned, afraid I would not last the night
Down and up have lost authority
Gravity and I are in dispute
My body will go its own way – apparently my ears will have a say in things too
Crystals of calcium carbonate are on the move
They are found in shells and in our shell-likes
There is a stone in the semi-circular canal
Funny that a stone can make you float